He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
