Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
