Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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