Kiss
Puke
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this will be a night to untag.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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