i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
everyone is single if you try hard enough
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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