There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
