It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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