i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
they're like a gay fantastic four
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize