So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
