she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
