I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
