You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
