My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
