My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize