my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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