omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
