He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
