im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
