You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
