we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's blow job season.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
