I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
