don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
