my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can't just leave with hair like that
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
