how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
