walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
