yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
