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I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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