I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my sisters under your porch take her home
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
