Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
