Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
