Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
