and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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