I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
