I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do vagina's smell?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
