Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
