I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
