Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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