I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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