By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i need to put some appletini on your dick
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
