hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize