she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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