the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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