i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
