if you like me you must not know who I am
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
