He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
