Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
