so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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