I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
