last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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