Fine. I'll sleep in my office
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
