I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
