yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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