Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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