i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
