I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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