i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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