A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
