I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
