Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
