I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
