did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i love accidental penises.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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