Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize