i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i came on her dog
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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