they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
