I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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