The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
