Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We're like a lot better than the average bears
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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