never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
only if we run a train.
done.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
