Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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