sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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